Bugger

I've done it already. I made a new years resolution (I even made a blog) to begin a lifestyle change to get fitter, healthier, better, and as Radiohead call it, more productive. But already, I've slacked off and its the 15th already. So, lets put a line in the sand.

• Current height, 6'1' - cant do much about that, unless my feet weigh 5 kilos each;
• Current weight 105kgs - dating websites call it 'athletic; my bastard GP calls it 'heavyset, but not bulbous';
• Current fitness regime non existent - a run on the beach every 2 weeks a fitness plan does not make;
• Standard set of body image issues as issued at my 15th birthday - now are increased - normal compound interest model;
• Diet woeful, although will admit better food, perhaps too much, but still think tea and coffee biscuits are neither bad nor good; and aren't chicken parmas healthier than steaks, cos its chicken?
• Water intake, minimal; alcohol intake, biblical;
• Sleep erratic. this really is a focus for me for starters.
• Work and stress, self imposed - I'm not curing cancer or responsible for dozens of livelihoods
• Would struggle to list interests outside fine wine & food, travel, design & architecture, all sports (the sure sign of the armchair sporstman) and technology (dont need to fit to use that, isnt that the point if technology, to make our lives easier?)

So the target is the end of 2008, the year of the Rat. I was born in '76, the year of the Dragon, which obviously sounds better than the Rat ... not sure if that will assist me..

End targets now include: height to remain, pending current month of the haircut cycle; weight of 90kgs pending a miracle; exercise to begin again - a start is a start; diet to improve although being married has helped that; alcohol to reduce, water to increase, blah blah blah.

Do I need to make really specific goals other than weight? Not going to ... one is enough. I'm not obsessive enough to start taking skin folds and lung capacity tests.

So what have I done to get started? Its pathetic... I've bought exercise gear, am buying a bike, am thinking a lot, .... but not actually exercising. I'm eating a little better, cutting down on coffee ... but am still skipping breakfast, eating the odd small (see .. small) chips from KFC, drinking every other day.

Seriously hands up who thinks jogging is boring, mundane, potentially painful on the joints, and seemingly pointless? If it wasnt for the ipod, I'm sure we'd see more runners looking more and more depressed in the realisation that this is as fun as running gets, unless there is a particularly popular sale at Bunnings that everyone needs to get to. I've done it before, I've ran a few times, and I've nevered enjoyed it. Of course the sense of achievement, etc etc, is there, but whos there to celebrate the 'made it to the lamppost' moment with you ... no-one but your thundering heartbeat and Coldplay belting out another melancholy lyric.

Thats why I think Cycling is the new Golf/Jogging - its low impact, involves high tech equipment thats a distraction from the real point of exercise, and the best of all, the leaning forward bit allows you to hide/hang the gut under a t-shirt. One issue actually is the clothing - I've heard women say that riding gear is the last thing men should wear ... I tend to agree - the best looking thing is probably the bike itself. Plus I'm stunned at how expensive it is... $200 for a pair of lycra tights with a kitchen sponge in the crotch ... you're joking. But, Cycling is a great sport, and if Lance Armstrong nearly losing his life and then riding around France 7 times isn't motivation enough, then I expect you've been in bed since the day you were born ... or you just mumble he's an over-achieving bastard who doesnt watch enough TV (can you watch too much? Oh wait, theres another reason I'm doing this .. damn).

As you can see, this blog will be one surly, argumentative, slightly drunk mans journey (or impeding abandonment - stick with me) to become the Biggest Loser (some would argue I'm already one to two of those to 2 things), or better still, as those annoyingly happy half-cup-full people put it, shoot for the stars and reach the moon .. and simply get under the ton.

This will be a journey into the mind-numbing world of weight-loss mixed with the hopeful rekindling of a passion for sport and exercise that once obsessed me as a younger person. The title is deliberately mispelt, to imply all of us idiots out there slaving for fitness and trim physiques, when really the answer is right there in front us - Channel 9, late night, liposuction, nose jobs, .... 'Extreme Makeover' - need I say more...

I encourage you to participate, contribute comments, share frustrations, describe disgusting horrible experiences of pain, suffering, body issues, etc. Lets go to hell together.

1st Lesson - Watching tons of various sports and talking football with Matt a lot doesnt mean your healthy, fit and active.

Dive into my nightmare, the water is warm.

Onward.